how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
