i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize