I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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