Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
