I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
