Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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