Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize