I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
