As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
