Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
