Can Purell be used as lube?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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