weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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