I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
worst night to have a conscience
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
