haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
