Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize