We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
