Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My balls are so social today.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
