You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
