So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize