I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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