How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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