Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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