yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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