just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
