Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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