Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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