The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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