if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
