Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
