My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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