MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
