hell yes lets make some ravioli
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
