3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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