How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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