its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
