im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize