You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You may now shotgun with the bride
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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