My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize