I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
