I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
