She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
