I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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