He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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