So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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