This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
