the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
