Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
