i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
