I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
