The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
