I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
