What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Everything about him screamed your future.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
