How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
