But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
