The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
