I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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