NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
