She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
