Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
