at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
