i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want her autograph on my taint
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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