Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
