Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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