We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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