The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
