i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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