You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
