I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
