You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
