Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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