We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
