I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
