community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize