Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
