She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize